Don’t touch my stuff.
Seriously how often do I have to say it? Don’t touch my stuff. Nothing drives me more insane than being away from my desk for an hour or a day and someone’s either moved something or “borrowed” something off my desk.
I get it – I sound like that poor guy Milton on Office Space that goes on and on about his stapler. But I spend more time in the office than I do in my own house and for that reason I have things set up the way I like it.
Perfect example I sit down at my desk the other day and discover not only two key items have been “borrowed” from me but someone decided to throw their nasty lunch trash in my trash can. Am I on camera? Is someone waiting for me to go off like that psycho did when he bashed in all those computers one day in cubicle land? Because seriously I’m about to.
There has to be some rules of etiquettes for the office in regards to someone desk or “bubble”. Why don’t people follow it?
And for my brief moment of venting…..I had to find something to giggle about…this made me laugh I hope it does the same for you!
Top 10 Funny Office “Rules” brought to you by George Costanza
10. Never walk without a document — People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do.
9. Use computers to look busy — Any time you use a computer, it looks like “work” to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss — and you will get caught — your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
8. Keep a messy desk — only top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
7. Voice mail — Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing — they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they’re not there — it looks like you’re hardworking and conscientious even though you’re being a devious weasel.
6. Look impatient and annoyed — According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give off the impression that you’re always busy.
5. Leave the office late — Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read. Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important e-mails at unearthly hours (i.e. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.
4. Creative sighing for effect — Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.
3. Stacking strategy — It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor, etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
2. Build vocabulary — Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
1. MOST IMPORTANT — DON’T forward a link to this page to your boss by mistake!
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Good thing my desk is always messy, looks like I am working! Being impatient and annoyed is not good though I think that makes for a bad work environment.
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one i’d like to add is to leave your office light on and leave for the day…i was at a customer site where someone did that repeatedly, then one day they played a trick on him. They had the receptionist page him repeatedly, dozens of times, after he left for the day.
The next day everyone was asking him about the page and where he was.
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One of my close friends tries to pull off number 2
she doesn’t understand the things she says half the time and sounds like a real jargon jackass
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Emma, I agree with you, I think sometimes people try to use big words and end up sounded like real idiots!
On a different note—leaving the office late? My opinion is this….if you dont have work to do dont sit there just to look good. Even though I suppose one could pass the time by downloading some movies on their computers…facebook lurking, online shopping…the list goes on!
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This was really funny – and so true!!!! Keep them coming!
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