Why are there no epic summer blockbuster movies about staffing? I think the staffing industry can be pretty interesting at times, but I guess Hollywood just hasn’t picked up on it yet.
Remember when Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark came out? How about Jaws or Independence Day? Even Star Wars, although technically that came out in May. These were great summer movies. As a kid, freezing in a theater in the middle of summer wearing shorts and a t-shirt was the best.
I haven’t yet been able to bring myself to see Men in Black III, but I probably will since this is only the third movie in the franchise, which we all know should rightfully be the last one.
While I’m on that subject, we all know that a third sequel is enough, right? Once you go to a fourth, you typically jump the shark immediately. And I mean that literally in some cases.
Anyone remember Jaws IV? It was actually called Jaws: The Revenge. Yes, in case you missed it, Mrs. Brody has to go after Jaws herself to supposedly protect her (grown) son in the Bahamas. If that little teaser wasn’t enough to make you run right out and rent it, let me just give you two other stars of the movie: Michael Caine and Mario Van Peebles. Enough said.
Other great examples of the terrible fourths include Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (which I know is really Star Wars I– OK fan boys and girls, I know the whole thing was supposed to start at IV, Star Wars: A New Hope, but just work with me here), Vegas Vacation, and Batman and Robin (remember George Clooney as Batman? Neither do I.). And who can forget Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, which surprisingly didn’t have Richard Pryor (that was Superman III), but did include one of the least-creatively named villains ever: Nuclear Man. I haven’t even mentioned any of the movies that went way beyond a fourth like Halloween (with nine, NINE sequels!).
With the summer movie season upon us, I think it’s time to break away from this trend of awful sequels and make a film featuring temporary workers. I suppose there was The Temp a few years back, but I think that was made mostly to highlight Lara Flynn Boyle’s legs. I don’t think killer temps is the image we are going for. So I’ve decided to come up with a few suggestions for next year’s summer movies myself:
Twilight Saga: Breaking IPO – Vampires disguised as temporary workers invade a Silicon Valley software company and take over after working the night shift.
IPO still doesn’t go well, but the body count (“layoffs”) is actually lower than some non-vampire run companies and the company ends up making tons of money and some killer procurement software.
Turns out the vampires actually get more done (they don’t like foozball or caffeinated drinks), feel no need to even have an HR department (no reflection, thus no conscience) and have no problem “firing” someone on the spot when they feel the need (or get hungry).
Corey Feldman is probably available.
Snow White and the Draftsman: In this updated, classic tale, a contingent CAD drafter who is working on re-designing the crumbling castle for the evil queen, stumbles upon her plans for an all-white living room in the main castle.
He discovers and falls in love with one of the castle maids who, not surprisingly, has great fashion sense.
To thwart the queen’s colorless plans, the two must recruit fashion guru Tim Gunn to bring color and a Target sponsorship to the kingdom.
Color reigns (still mostly red and white) and the draftsman marries the maid in a lovely salmon and taupe-colored wedding.
The Dark Code Rises: A contingent worker is hired to finish code for a new X-box 360 game.
The developer installs hidden code that connects bank accounts to game scores. Adults have trouble keeping up, losing thousands of dollars from their bank accounts, while kids shoot, hack and doodle-jump their way to millions.
No more need for allowance and as kids start buying and paying for their own cell phones.
No chores are done and schools eventually close. Adults become slaves and the pizza and caffeinated drink industries explode.
I’m thinking Keanu Reeves is a shoe-in for this one.
I think those would all be good, although I will admit that maybe that last one is not the best image-builder for the industry. Maybe we go the “independent” film route. How about Independent Contracting Raiders of the Lost Ark or maybe Independent’s Day? OK, bad pun on that last one, but I think you get the picture.
So Hollywood, how about it? With contingent workers accounting for as much as 25% of a company’s workforce, I for one think it’s about time we had better representation for temporaries in the movies. Just please, no more Superman, Men in Black or Halloween. Please?