The following résumé is real. It was sent to us by an HR professional and long-time reader, who tells us the applicant sought an administrative assistant position. Certain names and details have been altered to protect the identity of the job seeker – because, let’s face it, with a résumé like this, they ain’t gettin’ a job anytime soon, so we’ll at least spare their humility.

See if you can spot 9 mistakes in grammar/spelling, 4 instances of mentioned skills that aren’t really skills, more than 20 ways they creatively express obvious duties of a waiter/cook/dishwasher, and 25+ pieces of information that are irrelevant to the job they’re applying for and shouldn’t have put on here.

EXPERIENCE:

Assistant Coordination Manager, 2011-2012
Cooperstown Sports Bar

  • Ran and update the social media networks (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, Bar Hop)
  • Booked local bands that perform three nights a week
  • Put information on our website
  • Created new ways of taking inventory
  • Tracked coupons and sent coupon ideas out to local coupon books
  • Helped with the hiring process
  • Serving large sections of tables
  • Memorizing the whole menu

Server, 2012-present
Red Shed Bar & Grill

  • Serving tables food and alcoholic beverages
  • Cocktailing late hours
  • Interacting with all different age groups comfortably
  • Dealing with intoxicated people appropriately

Host/Dishwasher, 2009-2011
Olympic Flame Restaurant

  • Maintained and stocked inventory
  • Prep salads, soups, and bread
  • Washing dishes
  • Know the menu and their preparations of dishes in detail
  • Training all the new recruits in the restaurant
  • Serving all the tables that have been assigned

Host/Food Prep, 2008-2009
Mango Grill

  • Greet guests, escort them to tables, and provide menus
  • Prepare beverages and expedite food orders
  • Schedule dining reservations and arrange parties and special services for diners
  • Refill food bins
  • Stocked inventory
  • Organized and folded silver wear

Cashier/Cook/Dishwasher, 2007-2008
Burger King

  • Welcome customers politely
  • Receive the orders and the respective cash from the customers
  • Maintaining detailed records of served orders and collected cash
  • Washing dishes
  • Preparing burger on the grill and finalizing food before sending out to customers
  • Followed procedures for safe food preparation, assembly, and presentation

ACHIEVEMENTS:

  • Maintained a B/C average in high school
  • Current GPA: 3.00
  • Several-time honor roll student
  • Twice member of Spirit Club
  • Two years of Spanish laguage classes
  • CPR certified
  • Participated in the High Achievers Program

COMPUPER SKILLS:

  • Efficient with typing
  • Proficient with Microsoft Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and Internet

Key Skills:

  • Extremely sharp memory which is useful in remembering small important details and facts
  • High amount of patience
  • Bright and welcoming attitude and smile
  • Motivation to succeed
  • Ability to stay organized under pressure

Tags: Business, Funny, Resume