We love it when staffers send us their feel-good stories and industry gripes, but there’s something to be said for the ridiculous mishaps that only people in staffing can truly appreciate. A few months ago we published examples that people sent in, and it was such a hit that we were bombarded by even more the following week. Well the levy has officially broken, folks, because they just keep coming in. Enjoy more hilarious horror stories from the staffing trenches.

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Becky Fox, branch manager with Diversified Sourcing Solutions

Here’s a list of the “Best of the Worst Reasons for Temps Not Showing Up for Work.” Enjoy!

20. I have “personal pain.”
19. There’s no 41st floor in the Bank of America Building. (There are a series of elevators that go to specific floors and they got in the elevator that only went to floor 32.)
18. I burned my eyes and knees with chemicals cleaning my bathroom.
17. My ex-girlfriend works at the site and her brother just beat me up last night.
16. I got slammed by the cops last night and my back hurts.
15. I just took my weave out and my hair is a mess.
14. I got a piece of metal in my eye and I’m wearing an eye patch.
13. My scooter broke down and I don’t like the bus.
12. I was in a domestic violence situation in the parking lot … in front of the customer.
11. They were offended by my pretty fingernails and I refuse to wear gloves.
10. I had a wardrobe malfunction. (Breastfeeding mom who leaked.)
9. I don’t have a GPS so I can’t find the job site.
8. I was caught smoking a doobie on the back dock on my break.
7. I got hot sauce in my eye while my boyfriend and I were having a hot sauce fight.
6. My mom took the car to have her breast implant surgery done.
5. I agreed to wash the dishes, but not the pots and pans. (Dishwasher assignment.)
4. My uniform is dirty and my mom hasn’t done laundry yet. (30-year-old man)
3. I have to pick up my kids from the sheriff’s office because my baby mama was caught shoplifting.
2. I used to work there and it didn’t end well.
1. I’m walking down Nebraska Ave (aka: “Prostitute Row”) looking for a babysitter and I’m not having any luck.

Jennifer, anonymous agency from Georgia

A candidate came in one afternoon to register with our company. He stated that he lived down the street and had to walk five miles to our office. After he was done registering and I had finished interviewing, I began to escort him out. The candidate then turned to me and asked me on a date to McDonalds. He wanted to buy me a kids meal and asked if I could drive there right at that moment. Needless to say, we were not able to place him.*

Theresa Hochenauer, account manager with Staffing Connection, Inc.

I had a temp call in sick with an excuse I'd never heard before, and I know will never hear again. She said "I'm sick and I won't be in today. My Cervix hurts … both of them!"

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* Don’t change the subject and dodge the real question, Jennifer. Did you go on a McDonalds date with him, or not?

Tags: Business, Diversified Sourcing Solutions, Funny, Inc., True Staffing Stories, Becky Fox, Staffing Connection, Theresa Hochenauer