There’s not exactly a fine line between certified genius and psycho killer. That’s not the point of this ridiculous post. The point of this ridiculous post is for you to recognize just how little you can tell about a person from a résumé, social media presence, and referrals. Applications don’t tell the whole story.
So let’s say the candidates below are ones you’ve recently gathered to fill some job orders. Some of them will blow your clients away, while others will blow away your clients. So choose wisely!
(See how you did at the bottom!)
- Candidate has three years of traditional K-12 education, having dropped out at an early age.
- Family’s electrical manufacturing company went out of business.
- Failed college entrance exam for elite school, and went to a polytechnic community college instead.
- Took a government clerkship job after being turned down for several teaching positions they applied for.
- When the candidate did land a teaching job, they butted heads with their superiors and ultimately chose to stop teaching and pursue research and writing instead.
- There’s an enormous gap in their employment history, followed by sporadic part-time university positions.
- Hasn’t kept a single job for a period longer than two years, and has also had trouble maintaining residency in any one place.
- Candidate is no longer welcome in their home country.
- Candidate has top marks and several letters of recommendation from their time at University of Puget Sound, University of Washington, Temple University, and University of Utah.
- Is proficient in Chinese and has training in psychology.
- Has extensive experience in law, including practicing for high-profile trial cases.
- Has worked in several retail jobs and has proven interpersonal communication skills, including a stint during college as a volunteer at a suicide prevention hotline.
- Has helped execute two political campaigns (one presidential and one gubernatorial) and has entertained the idea of one day running for office themself.
- Prefers individual projects, but works well in groups.
- Enjoys skiing in their spare time.
- Candidate has a long history of volunteerism, including assisting teachers, fundraising for Jaycees and Moose Club, directing community parades, and working with children’s hospitals.
- Despite not graduating high school, they were admitted (and subsequently graduated) from Northwestern Business College. They have additional training in managerial courses.
- Worked their way up to a management position with Nunn-Bush Shoes. Additionally has managed three KFC restaurants (simultaneously) and owns a successful home construction business.
- During college, they worked as an EMT, mortuary attendant, and short-order cook.
- Has a heart condition, so requests very little physical activity.
- It’s been a long time since we’ve seen a candidate with this many references.
- Because the candidate’s father is a doctor, and he routinely served as the assistant, their poor grades during K-12 did not prevent him from being accepted to university medical school. Once there, however, they continued getting poor marks and dropped out.
- Briefly pursued the priesthood, but once again dropped out.
- Has training in taxidermy and has collections of dead insects and animals.
- Used medical experience to help dissect marine life for a research project.
- Spent several months on an oceanliner doing land surveying.
- Candidate was enrolled at a private, independent, liberal arts college with the motto “Communism, Atheism, and Free Love,” but dropped out after one semester.
- Has training in calligraphy.
- Has worked for a fruit farm, telephone company, and arcade game company.
- Has a gap in employment wherein candidate says they struggled with money, stayed with friends, and collected bottles for money.
- Takes regular trips to India for spiritual enlightenment.
- Candidate’s work experience is primarily light industrial, having worked in several machinery factories and one farm.
- Started their own machinery factory, but it failed two years later.
- Briefly studied bookkeeping at a business college, but dropped out.
- References say candidate’s political leanings created volatile work relationships with colleagues.
- Enjoys car racing and taking apart timepieces in their spare time.
Candidate A: Albert Einstein
Candidate B: Ted Bundy
Candidate C: John Wayne Gacy
Candidate D: Charles Darwin
Candidate E: Steve Jobs
Candidate F: Henry Ford