Okay, I got the memo. We are in the midst of a busy holiday season. Our time is precious. We can count the days – and the hours – until the Christmas/Hanukkah break. And if I wasn’t on your radar/agenda/to-do list for a while, it’s hard to add me now. But we’ve been friends and/or professional acquaintances for how long? Find 30 freaking seconds out of your entire day/week and send me an email/text/Skype/carrier pigeon saying “let’s connect in the new year.” Really. It’s not that hard.
Here’s the backstory to this rant, variations of which I have heard from others recently.
A couple of weeks ago I was at a Nordstrom’s and saw a jacket that I thought would be perfect for a friend who is known for his sartorial splendor. My daughter was with me and knows him too, and she suggested taking a picture with my phone and sending it to him. I did. With a nice note. Nothing.
I followed that up at the beginning of last week with an invitation for lunch. I followed that up with an invitation to do a video interview for Staffing Talk, since this person owns a company that does corporate culture consulting. I thought he could impart some tips on how to develop – and maintain – a happy and productive workplace when you have so many temporary, transient, remote workers. This time I left a detailed message with the receptionist. And still no reply.
I have also been trying to do some video production work – as well as lunch – with another long-time buddy for months now. Not sure what’s up with his refusal to respond. When I do see him though, he’ll give me a big hug and say “love you man!” and “friends for life!” Or some such empty sentiments unsupported by his actions.
And another friend recently sold his company, a company that he started in his basement and built to $150 million in revenue. He’s trying to figure out his next act, and is just hangin’ out until then. So return my text! Actually, he eventually did, and said to check in after Christmas. He was easier to get a hold of when he was CEO of a company with 300 employees. Go figure.
Do you remember Short Attention Span Theater? It was a television show that originally aired on The Comedy Channel and was hosted by Jon Stewart among others. And the title is pretty self-explanatory.
I feel like that’s what our whole world has turned into. Are you feeling that way?
It’s not my/our imagination.
I had a coffee chat last Friday with a long-time PR friend whom I hadn’t seen in two years. She was actually immediately responsive when I suggested getting together and catching up.
Following our time together, part of which was spent discussing short attention spans!, she sent me a fascinating infographic entitled “How Social Media is Ruining Our Minds.” It seems over the course of the last 10 years the average attention span has dropped from 12 minutes to a staggeringly short 5 seconds. Yikes!!!!
No wonder people aren’t returning my phone calls or responding to my emails.
I don’t want to be a complete David Downer though, particularly during this otherwise joyous season. So at the risk of looking like a suck-up, I will leave you with a recent positive experience as a parting thought.
Last week I got a note from TempWorks’ Gregg Dourgarian about getting together. No huge agenda or action items, just a friendly chat. When I responded, he suggested Saturday morning. The last Saturday morning before Christmas Eve mind you, for a guy who is figuring out TempWorks’ next new platforms, a global business expansion, flying across the country interviewing and recruiting, and oh by the way, is also a busy father.
Still, he managed to carve out two-and-a-half hours! and I was the one who said I had to leave first. Amazing.
So thank you for your generosity Gregg. And Rose. As for everyone else, Scrooge You! Get over yourself. We’re all busy. We’re just not all quite so rude abut it.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
SOOOO TRUE!!! The world of Facebook gives people a false sense that they are “connected” since they can watch other’s lives “unfold” on their computer screen and a quick comment here or there makes them feel “involved” NOT SO! It is so easy to pass on lunch plans, dinner plans, weekend get togethers, gym dates and play dates in favor of, GULP, doing nothing….that’s right, saying no just so you can unwind and have some alone time….don’t worry, after the holiday’s you can generally have LOT’S of alone time…so say “YES!” to invitations, bring a hostess gift, pick up the check here and there, send a thank you note and be present during your holiday gatherings….your mind, heart, soul and future will thank you for it!
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Thanks for your suggestions Jessica.
thanks David
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David,
There is another side to this coin. Perhaps, just perhaps, someone could say that you have an over-inflated sense of self.
Perhaps the premise with which you are working is the whole problem with our culture… perhaps it is indeed fine to be below the radar for a while.
For my part, I have been busy running a small business all year long, am a busy father and have neglected time with my family to keep constituents happy. What I am trying to say is this… I have a priority list and there are certain people that are on top of that list and some that are WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY at the bottom.
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Thanks for your comment Brad, and yes, that thought did occur to me. In fact, I figured someone would probably respond in a manner similar to yours.
For starters, understand this is the blogosphere in which we are communicating. So from the headline on down, things are slightly exaggerated for effect. Or is it affect? Both perhaps.
Of course I know in the case(s) of casual acquaintances, I may in fact rank absolutely at the bottom of any priority list, during a busy time of year, or not.
However, in each of the three cases I specifically cite, every one of those people has been a long-time friend, for at least three years, and in one case longer.
I also happened to have put every one of those people – and their business – on the cover of a magazine I was the editor of at the time. In fact, that is how the relationships started, professionally, and then grew to be friendships out of that.
Believe me, when I was in a position to publicize and promote someone’s business, I was very popular, and didn’t have to worry about people returning phone calls.
I certainly don’t expect a quid pro quo exchange where I did something for them and they are forever indebted to me.
However, having said all that, I think it is very reasonable to expect that when three or four months have elapsed since last crossing paths, and I reach out to a friend to simply catch up and re-connect, that they can respond in some form or fashion.
No matter how busy I am, I simply do not ignore people like that. I never have and I never will. I place a high value on relationships, something I realize the entire world doesn’t share, including Brad, as stated above.
My broader point though is not how “wronged” I feel about a particular interaction. It’s how the noise and the Internet and social media (yes, including sites such as this) have so impacted and re-wired our brains, to the point where a simple, single email or call, from a friend or not, simply doesn’t get acted on, or maybe even seen.
I don’t think that’s a positive development.
But I guess all this makes those times even more special when the world does stop for a moment, and we do get together for some actual, authentic human interaction.
And to Brad, one more thing. I too am a small business owner, and am in the process of launching a second one, and am a father and husband, and am active in the community and globally as well. Being busy doesn’t exactly put people in a small club, not does it excuse anyone for a lack of basic social graces.
There we can agree. Most of life is diluted now. Honestly, I do not even have time to fully expound upon my beliefs on this subject right now as I have to go to a wake for a fellow genXer that lived too hard, too fast.
Thing is, we are always on now. And, for one, I am rebelling some. Of course, here I am typing choppy sentences on your blog as I am too busy to coordinate more than 140 characters!
Hell with it! I am going to spend time with my family! Interesting topic. Refine it some and I, for one, will be on message!
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Ah, c’mon Brad, don’t be so civil! I was ready to engage in an online war of words. Actually, not really, since I am busy working on my next Staffing Talk post. Another friend of mine saw this post today. Her take didn’t focus at all on friendships, or priority lists, or being self important or not important at all. Just like an advertisement that has almost zero efficacy if a consumer only sees it once, she opines that it is getting harder and harder to get busy people’s attention with a single contact. And that like advertisers, the rest of of us are going to get more creative to connect with people, be they friends, clients or future friends or clients. It is an interesting subject and I’ll give it some more thought. By the way Brad, I do like that you challenged me in your first comment. My wife tells me to get over myself all the time!
Great article!
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Thanks for the comment Luis. As an earlier commenter wrote, my post probably did come off a little holier than thou, like who are these people to ignore ME?! Don’t they know who I am? And it wasn’t like that at all. Often times when people don’t respond I’ll say something to my wife, and tell her that I wouldn’t do something like that, and she says, “Good for you. But that’s just you. That doesn’t mean the rest of the world is going to share your values or priorities.” So point well taken there. The point I was trying to make is that as we become busier and our lives more connected and crowded, personal relationships that should be more highly valued are instead getting pushed aside. And I think that will only increase as our attention spans decrease.
I agree, thats where I am right now! I’m single and focused in this economy, which is good because I’m putting my all into this business but Its nearly impossible for me to build any new relationships! I mean last night I was on the the phone with a girl that I like till 3am and had to be up at 5:30am because I havent followed up on her in a week!
I go to the gym on the weekends and when my mom calls and talks 5mph I cut short in almost a rude manner! smh I’m going to force a balance God, family and friend on myself for my own good before I have a nervous breakdown…
p.s. I hope I wasnt too much out of context BUT I have to get back to work! =D
p.s.s I dont know why but I love what I do!
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